Hey,
How’s your summer going? I ate ice cream (and only ice cream) for dinner. It was kind of a ‘best of times, worst of times’ moment. The first 3 bites were the best, and everything after that I instantly regretted.
And that’s kind of the summer I’m having. It’s good, but it’s weird, and it’s kind of uncomfortable — edging not quite to euphoria but also not to despair. The spiritual equivalent of this emoji: 🥴
Photographer Matthew Pillsbury captured the feeling well in his long-exposure photographs of the “Re-Opening of New York” that went viral this week:
What I thought about this week
Oscar and I have been in the process of buying a condo for the past 3 weeks and I’ve avoided writing about it. I’m weirdly superstitious that if I do, it will come crashing down. However, if everything goes according to plan, we close on August 10th and will have a home!
To say I’m antsy is an understatement. Whomst knew that making a major life investment was this stressful?!!? (Answer: everyone did). But I keep telling myself I’ll feel better once it’s settled.
While this is inevitably true in some ways, on the other hand, I am trying not to use it as a romanticized answer to all of my problems. I am the same in a 5th floor condo that I am living in a basement. And there’s still a pandemic going on, which we were reminded of this week with the CDC’s mask mandate reversal.
Honestly, the main reason I’m so antsy is that since we upended our life back to Chicago, I haven’t felt like myself. And I don’t think that’s necessarily just me, or the move. Navigating the post-vaccine world has us all thirsty for a sense of normalcy and peace. We are OBSESSED (RE: see pictures above).
And of course, both peace and normalcy have been hard to come by.
The week we got back to Chicago was the week all the Covid-19 mandates lifted, but the city is still different in specific ways. I’ve been wearing my mask on the subway but not at work. Except for two days when I had a cough last week and wore it all the time. I can’t take Ubers anymore because they’re a million dollars. I haven’t seen a taxi since I’ve been back. No one knows how to act at restaurants. Some friends are still in the city, some aren’t. Even the ones who are, I haven’t seen in three years. There’s a lot of small talk. Except that everyone’s been inside and unemployed for a year, so sometimes there’s not much to say.
Unfamiliar with how to interact with the outside world, and desperate to get my juju back, I’ve taken on an embarrassing trait: pretending I’m in a movie. You know what I’m talking about. Indulging in the cliché of wistfully staring out a window while listening to a moody soundtrack. Closing your eyes while dappled light shines through leaves onto your face as you walk home in the afternoon. Cooking pasta and swigging a cocktail while Ella Fitzgerald plays in the background. Wiping your brow and plating the pasta like you’re on an episode of Chopped. Dining out with friends and gossiping like you’re in Sex and the City.
I recently watched Mare of Easttown and immediately after, caught myself mirroring her gruff demeanor and Boston accent. EMBARRASSING! But I know I’m not alone because my friends and I have talked about this exact phenomenon. One of my friends admitted that after watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer when she was young, she would “walk like a Vampire” when she took her dog out around the block.
Some may pass this off as nothing more than “Main Character Syndrome” which is a term that gained popularity within the last year after TikToker @ashlaward started a trend in which she encouraged people to “start romanticizing your life.” That quickly became synonymous with the “edited selfies,” “highlight reels,” and “narcissism” all over social media. The problem is that her take posits us each as the main characters in the “movies” of our lives.
I’m not sure I’m on board with that. To me, it’s less about centering my point of view, and instead looking at things from an outside perspective — one outside my own damn head, however silly and trivial it may be.
While it might be argued that is just leaning into escapism, the grounding factor is an enjoyment of the present. Reminding myself that from a different angle, there are small wonderful things happening around me (someone please make a lifetime movie with that title). It makes me appreciate interactions with people that would otherwise be ordinary, or forgettable. In the opening line of the New Yorker article, the author asks,
As communal city life comes back, can we find one another?
I don’t have the answer to that, but it is clear that the only way back to ourselves is through through our experiences with each other. Will we ever get our juju back? Who knows. It’s hard to say. Maybe it doesn’t matter.
The other day, a colleague and I happened to leave work at the same time and figured out we were walking to the same train. As we got to the stop, we heard our Howard-bound train approaching and ran down the stairs, only to both make it on at the last second as the doors closed. “Love when that happens,” I smiled, out of breath. It was like a movie.
What I drank this week
IL TERRAIO PATERNA TOSCANA IGT 2018 $23
In the words of Gwen Stefani, “this shit is bananas.” It’s an Italian blend of Malvasia/Trebbiano (generally pretty random grapes) that tastes like white Burgundy, baby! If you blinded me on this, I’m 100% calling Chablis. It’s aged in stainless steel, so it’s got a fruity profile, but it’s also leesy with some body. Grapes are organically certified. For $23 I kind of want to buy a case and always have a bottle around as a house wine.
Fabien Jouves 2019 'Les Agudes' Blanc, France $21
I knew nothing about this wine but it was floral and elegant. In reading up it’s:
A blend of Sauvignon Blanc, Sauvignon Gris, Chardonnay, Semillon Blanc, Colombard, and Ugni Blanc hand-harvested from young vines (~20 years-old) grown in clay and limestone soils. The grapes are destemmed and then directly-pressed in whole-clusters. Fermentation follows in stainless steel and barrel. The wine ages for 6 months in a combination of stainless and barrel before bottling. This is a sunkissed white blend from Fabien Jouves who works several plots of certified (Demeter/Biodyvin) biodynamic vines between the towns of Quercy and Cahors in the southern French region of Occitanie.
What I liked this week
An article by Roxanne Gay about Why People Are So Awful Online for the New York Times. To clarify, I liked that it was well-written. I don’t like that people are awful online.
Drinking abhorrent amounts of cold brew coffee because it’s on draft at work and I have no self control.
Listening to music on my commute! I, like, forgot this was a thing I could do until now and my AirPods are my best friends again. I can’t get this song out of my head:
Drinking Too Much is an American Problem by Kate Julian in The Atlantic. It’s a long article, but one I keep coming back to because of its surprising insights and thoughtful commentary.
Visiting my friend’s restaurant, Robert et Fils. He’s the beverage director, and the drinks are divine. Chicago people, check it out. Blow it up. The woman next to me insisted on taking this picture of me with the macaroon I ordered.
Riding Divvy bikes around the city!! I’m a biker girl now!!!
I know I say this every week, but I’m seriously so grateful anyone wants to read this. So, thank you! Please share this newsletter with your friends and/or enemies if you want!!
Love you, mean it.
Kate
I know it's Sunday because my quirkiest impulses were just validated by my niece! Thank you for another lovely portrayal of your weekly journey, and for giving me more moments of not being alone in the crazy.
What a lovely Sunday read *sips on my Oaxaca coffee* 😌
1. Those pictures from Matthew are so cool.
2. Reading this makes me miss the good O’l Chicago train commute. My favorite thing about the city.
3. CONGRATULATIONS to you & Oscar!!! Big money moves 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼